| May. 5th, 2009 @ 12:40 am in which carrie returns to lj-land |
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Feeling:  touched
Music: stars "what i'm trying to say"
this is a favorite song these days
I am trying to say
What I want to say
Without having to say
"I love you"
You look so good in the shoes of an outcast
I kissed your throat every time they said it wouldn't last
But then I knew you, I knew you, I knew you
I really knew you...
ohhh life. half a month without an lj entry is weird for me, i'm not letting that happen again.. i love remembering the little things. i need the stories. i don't want them to fade into the foggy memory of time.
coachella was AMAZING!!!!!!! i'll post some photos eventually. my carpool was great and not at all stressful this time, hooray for non-flakes! viktor, fiona, francisco and i listened to fun music and everything went smoothly. i camped with my friends brett and nichole, which was awesome because they are awesome AND they came prepared. the icy-cool kiddie pool was the BEST IDEA EVER. and of course i saw lots and lots of music..
highlights that made me go AHHH YOU ARE AMAZING, I NEED TO DOWNLOAD ALL OF YOUR MUSIC RIGHT NOW were the friendly fires (i danced the entire time), yeah yeah yeahs (holy shit awesome!) calexico, noah and the whale, and lykke li.
the bands i loved pre-coachella and even more so during coachella were fleet foxes (beautiful set at the outdoor theater as the sun finally set), amanda palmer (brilliant performer and fucking sexy in her corset, stockings, garter belt and huge black boots), beirut (simply amazing), the cure (yes, dudes wearing eyeliner are still the sex), and silversun pickups (ahh i just love them)
also thoroughly enjoyed conor oberst (wearing a sombrero!), ariel pink's haunted graffiti (VERY cool), thievery corporation, the orb, molotov and franz ferdinand. AND the killers and paul mccartney while i was awake for them.. um, i have a tendency to fall asleep during the headliners. thanks marijuana! my friend brady sat with me during mccartney and he later told me that people were staring at me sleeping and asking if i was okay. oops ^_^
i do regret not checking out some bands but perhaps i will have another chance to catch them.
after coachella i had a nasty cold for a week, i STILL have a lingering cough but it's not so bad anymore
i've been seeing a therapist for a while and i've started meds for bipolar II / depression / anxiety. it will take a few more weeks to gradually increase my dose to a regular level, and then we will see if it helps. i am very hopeful that my scary rapid-cycling mood swings will chill out. lately i have been seriously over-reacting, becoming enraged, upset or terrified by small things that do not deserve such strong emotions, and am often on the verge of tears for no real reason. it is overwhelming. ian and emily have been very supportive and i am grateful for them. especially ian, for your patience, warm arms, and :) text messages.
i am so completely gooey omelet cheese in the knees for this one. :)
i feel really, really good with him. :)
:)
even with generally rampant emotions, i feel so much joy in the times of genuine happiness.
i recently spent a late afternoon curled up in a cozy sweater on a bench on campus, reading a good book and watching the fog drift in. i feel charmed and serene when i enjoy the beauty here, always unfolding around me.
san francisco, california - the city of my heart.
so much magic.
and
so many mushrooms.
still can't believe how easy it was. ask around near hippie hill, that's all there is to it.
so, tonight emily and i shroomed for the first time together. giggles and soul. midnight lavender sky. life sparkle wind. what a night. i have never laughed so hard and so much in my life.
ian hung out with us for most of the evening, and i am happy he was there.
we took a trip downstairs to the market for slices of pizza. laughing laughing. extremely uncoordinated and aware of everything. like we noticed the distinct orange and blue pastel colors of a ceiling light, and emily accidentally poured SO MUCH OREGANO on her plate. then we decided ian should have a silent Q in his name? and if he ever needs a pseudonym, he should use "Montgomery Q" :D
then, so much fun back in the apartment. emily sniffing tequila, me rolling off the couch in laughter... i don't remember it all, so i'm very excited to watch the embarrassing videos ian captured of this part of the night.
we watched a magical movie, "mr. magorium's wonder emporium" - an adorable film starring dustin hoffman and natalie portman that i had never heard of until i saw it in the clearance section at amoeba, i simply had to buy it... and it was perfect. lovely aesthetics, tender moments, happy colors, MAGIC. emily and i gazed in awe with our mouths open at the most wonderful scenes. it is the PERFECT movie for this kind of night, and it's definitely worth watching any other time.
(side note: i also recently watched "the professional" [or "leon" as it is known in england] and absolutely fell in love with FANTASTIC young natalie portman in her first film role, and everything else about the film. i already want to watch it again!!! and i bought it for $3 at amoeba! cheers to emily for finding it for me)
after our magical movie adventure, ian went home and emily and i went for a walk. we took the stairs down from our 5th floor apartment. the stairs feel so solid and heavy, concrete beneath our feet, but they are actually not very thick and we were amazed by this contradiction. we explored the parking garage beneath our building, found many huge plastic containers filled with telephones. i grabbed onto a pipe and i was swinging in the air like a child until i lost my grip and my hands were wet and dirty but outside i cleaned them with rainwater on plants. we walked in the misty night, breezy and not too chilly. the sky was midnight lavender, a dark dark purple blue. the calm before and after the rains. everything was wet and glistening, so beautiful. we stood in pools of yellow light and realized the campus light poles have individual numbers printed on them. #13, #21. we touched the plants and wanted to become like them, trees with roots and limbs and leaves, standing strong as the wind brushed our rosy cheeks. we whirled around on the path made of so many tiny stones, pebbles and sand. we wondered where they came from, and what the earth would be without them. we talked about elements in nature, fire earth water wind. decided we need to visit a bonfire at ocean beach. pure energy, light of consciousness. they don't have sandy beaches in england, emily loves the sand here. i find it a nuisance that gets everywhere but i realize that i am lucky to have it so near.
when it began to rain we walked back to the apartment, me loudly "singing in the rain" and emily telling me to hush so as not to attract attention. we rode the elevator with two RAs, but no trouble. then we sat in the living room and came down with shakespeare. there is nothing like ending a shroom experience with a british friend reading shakespeare to you at midnight. emily introduced me to titus andronicus which features two brothers raping a girl and then cutting off her hands and tongue so she cannot write or speak of the deed. later this girl's father bakes the men's heads in a pie and feeds it to their mother. HOW FUCKING AWESOME IS THAT!?!?? |
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carrieaki's journal
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hot
chipper
cranky
groggy
uncomfortable
weird
OMG I NEED TO SLEEEP
crappy
productive
a bit uneasy, but much calmer
relaxed
okay
drained
grateful
amused
crazy (and sleep-deprived)